Open Letter to Robin Williams

I got this email today. It looks as if Robin Williams is sticking his nose into the political ring for a bit of a laugh during his tours to entertain the troops. He's made a list of points that the US government should follow in their endeavour in the Middle East. I hereby write this open letter to him or to the composer of the mail which addresses each of the points in question.

Firstly the email I received:

Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan... what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan:

1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. We will promise never to "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or wherethey are. France would welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 day visits unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself,don't hide here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers.

5) No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else.

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere". They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds,rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them gets "lost" or is taken by their army. The people who need it most get very little, anyway.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it or LEAVE...Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?"
Robin


Now my reply. I apologise to any decent American out there, this is aimed at the composer of the above mail and the U.S Government.

Mr Williams,

In light of your recent comments regarding the United States of America’s position on the world stage, I feel obliged to comment on each one. I don’t expect a reply as I think that the facts speak for themselves. You used to be funny, now you’re just a fat boring old fart.


1. Yes Mr. Williams, you are perfectly correct the US should apologize to the world, especially to Venezuela for trying to depose a democratically elected leader, to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia for years of unrelenting bombing and usage of gene altering chemicals, to Iran for the reinstatement and support of the tyrannical Shah and to all of those other countries that the US government mucked up.

2. Most of your troops stationed abroad are young kids who were practically press ganged into service and would love nothing more than to be back to the safety of the good ole US of A.

3. America without immigrants?!!? What a joke! I hope you’re ready for living in a place of high labour costs and high consumer prices. A study found that illegal immigrants make up 24 percent of all workers in the agricultural sector, 14 percent of all workers in construction and 12 percent in food preparation. Certain industries in the country, such as California's agriculture industry, would likely disappear if immigrant labour were not available. That would mean the loss of a $30 billion dollar sector of California's economy, a sector that according to a 2005 report from the University of California Davis, creates a domino effect of more than $70 billion in economic activity in the state each year. Need I say more?

4. No-one from a terrorist nation eh? Well, I guess all you ‘White Americans’ better leave then! Your state was founded on the terrorising and mass murder of it’s native people. How soon you forget, IT WAS ONLY 150 YEARS AGO!!!!!! Oh yeah, before you pull outta there, please apologise to each and every single Native American for the genocide inflicted on their people.

5. Why the hell would any one go to the US for an education? In the United States, one in seven people (more than 40 million people) can barely read a job offer or utility bill, which arguably makes them functionally illiterate in a developed country such as the US. In 2003, the National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL), conducted by the US Department of Education, found that fourteen percent of American adults scored at this “below basic” level in prose literacy. More than half of these persons did not have a high-school diploma or GED. I think I’d prefer to go to Cuba where the literacy rate is 96.9%.

6. How thick are you? Do you really think that the Oil Companies and your Government (one in the same really) will let you get away with this one? What will Hank the Yank do without his 24 Litre Gas Guzzler getting 3 miles to the Oil Field. Lets look at the Number of Energy Invention Suppression Incidents:
- 53 Number of Dead, Missing, or Injured Energy Inventors, Activists, and Associates
- 13 Number of Energy Inventors Threatened with Death
- 16 Number of Energy Researchers and Associates Imprisoned
- 7 Number of Incidents Involving the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
- 4 Number of Incidents Involving the US Government
- 27 Number of Inventions Classified Secret by US Patent Office
- Approximately 4000 Number of Incidents Involving Oil Companies.

7. Where else are you going to get your juice to drive your big fat Burgerking ass around in your 20 ton monster trucks? You’re running out of stocks at home. As per point 2, you’re whole army is back in the safety of the US of A and you’re running out of countries to invade for their oil. So if you don’t buy from the Arabs, the rest of the world gets a surplus and much lower prices. It’s simple economics (something you showed not to have a grasp of in point 3).

8. Hmmmm..... let’s see what Americans do with the Aid money given to them. Failure to check the identity of applicants by FEMA, has resulted in the misuse of about £750 million of disaster relief intended for Hurricane Katrina victims. Bogus applicants are said to have used the money on porn videos, strippers and holidays. Claimants used false details for names and addresses, one claimant is said to have used the money to obtain a sex change operation and 13 other payments were made to the same address for an applicant who used 13 social security numbers. So you see Charity really does begin at home but for you guys, it usually stays there.

9. Of course, the UN is too good for you. Name one recent UN Mandate the US government has agreed to support. Why bother trying to be part of a team?? It’s just US US US all the way!!!

10. You’re perfectly right, all Americans should go to charm and beauty school, no more fat, loud, balding American tourists ambling around looking for directions to Don Leg-a-haira.

11. No.. No.. No!!!! The language you speak is NOT English. It’s a bastardised version of English. Labor, color etc etc. All spelling mistakes on my spell check. Even your president can’t speak English.

"I've reminded the prime minister-the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

"I think -- tide turning -- see, as I remember -- I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of -- it's easy to see a tide turn -- did I say those words?" --George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

So, while you’re arming your Statue of Bigotry with a baseball bat, please turn it around to face the other way to keep all you f*ckers in!!!

Nanu nanu, shazbat!!