Knowledge

Recently, I bought a copy of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, not the DVD or the CD version for PC, but the proper, stick it on a shelf in the sitting room and hope it doesn't snap in two, turny page multiple volumes of it and of course, me being me, I didn't opt for the nice brand spanking new 2007 edition of the encyclopaedia, oh no, instead, I bought a beautifully reproduced replica of the first ever edition of the encyclopaedia, from 1768, and I haven't stopped laughing since.
It was the brainchild of three scotsmen, one of which was a mere fifty four inches high, had a huge nose that he accentuated by wearing an even larger paper maché one over it and another was a veritable drinking buddy of Robbie Burns', just the kind of guys that you want publishing the sum of the worlds knowledge in 1768.
The encyclopaedia was published in three volumes. Bell, McFarquhar and Smellie (guess which one used to get plastered with Burnsy) obviously started out with great gusto and intention as the first volume covers A to B, but this intention seems to have petered out as the second volume covers C to L while the third covers M to Z, presumably it was a case of, 'Quick lads, get this finished, Burnsy's got the pints on!'
The thing I love most in reading the books is the dropped 's', this is an 'f' where an 's' should be and it should be pronounced as an 'f'. It just begs to be read aloud in company.

'The word ELECTRICITY fignifies, in general, the effects of a very fubtile fluid matter, different in it's properties from every other fluid we are aquainted with. The fluid is capable of uniting with almoft every body, but unites more readily with fome particular bodies than with others: its motion is amazingly quick, is regulated by peculiar laws, and produces a vaft variety of fingular phenomena, the principal of which fhall be enumerated in this article.'

There are some great wisdoms in the encyclopaedia. A few of my particular favourites are:

On California: 'a large country of the Weft Indies,... It is uncertain whether it be a peninfula or an ifland.'

On Marriage: 'truly a contract, and fo requires the confent of parties. Ideots, therefore and furious perfons cannot marry.'

On Woman: 'the female of the man.'

and the entire chapter on medicine which I'm not going to quote here as it's about a hundred or so pages long but it does say that the cure for piles is to blow a mixture of tobacco smoke and lavendar up one's anus. If you have a couple of hours, it's side splittingly funny and it makes me thank my lucky stars that I was born in the 20th century.
Every now and then I'll take it down from the shelf and have a good laugh and think, 'Jaysus, they knew so much back then but then again, they knew fuck all!'